


i'm hanging on to what i don't know.

by afraidtofall



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternative Universe - Soulmates, Fluff, Happy Ending, Kissing, M/M, Reincarnation, gendo doesn't exist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 17:26:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2436899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afraidtofall/pseuds/afraidtofall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm scared of heights," Shinji admits.</p><p>"Don't be," Kaworu says. "I won't let you fall."</p><p>This is how it's meant to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm hanging on to what i don't know.

**Author's Note:**

> Or: That AU Where Everyone is Happy, No One is Sad, Shinji's Dad Doesn't Exist, and This Reincarnation Cycle is Better than the last.
> 
> A mini series of drabbles to take my mind away from more painful plots currently undergo, a multi-fandom universe where no one is terrorized by weird aliens, giant monsters, and swimming pools.
> 
> Title taken from The Vaccine's "It's Always You."

         Kaworu has always been certain it was meant to be like this, Shinji’s hand clasped tightly in his and squeezing harder and harder each time their private cage of the Ferris wheel sways with the effort of continuously curling above the ulcet purr of fair goers below. There’s something sweet about the way he clings nearly so desperate as if he’s uncertain their night will continue if he let’s go, and Kaworu lifts their hands from between them so he can press a tender kiss to his boyfriend’s stressed knuckles. There’s no need to worry. Kaworu has his head level on his shoulders this time.

         “Look down,” Kaworu insists. He glances out of the window of their cage in wonder, interested in the explosions of color over the lake. Reds, golds, and purples fill up the hurried landscape in vibrant bursts until they shimmer and flare out, leaving nothing but wisps of smoke behind in their place. “It’s beautiful,” he adds. His words don’t placate Shinji the right way, don’t erase the anxiety that tickles ridges into the smooth line of his tiny nose, and so he pulls Shinji closer to his side and away from the doors in hopes of deflating an escalating fear. Shinji breathes out a relieved hum instantly.

         “I’m afraid of heights,” Shinji admits like it’ a dirty secret. That’s obvious from the way he’s halfway snapping Kaworu’s hand bones in half, and he at least is honest enough about it to produce a rare but adorable smile. Yet, it humors Kaworu to no end that Shinji, an amazing pilot of a giant machine in past lives, is so utterly terrified of falling that he willingly presses against Kaworu’s side like his reluctance to open up means nothing now. Kaworu feels bad about the light chuckle he gives, but Shinji’s stubborn pout is only a stubborn pout.

         “Don’t be,” Kaworu says with a comforting sweep of his thumb across paled knuckles. “I won’t let you fall.” Shinji only slightly believes him. While the death grip loosens up on his hand to where Kaworu can feel the tips of his fingers again, Shinji doesn’t actually remove himself from where he sits, thigh pressed nervously to thigh, and the gleam of hesitation in his gaze remains where it is. Kaworu can only offer his words and his hands aloud, the rest a silent suggestion Shinji will take or not take on his own time.

         Much to Kaworu’s surprise, Shinji peeks bravely out of the window to watch the fireworks. He leans across Kaworu’s lap, much too timid for his own window, lips quietly parted in contained amazement as the colors reflect off his pale skin. He’s gorgeous like that, curious and unknowing to the point Kaworu wishes he had brought along his camera so that he could have this innocent surprise forever. The gleam of lights is lovely against the curve of Shinji’s cheek, a pretty dew in his amber gaze that causes butterflies and warmth to spread through Kaworu’s stomach. Shinji opens up, gives the most sensitive smile of sheer happiness that his laughter is bubbly like champagne when it finally blossoms on his pink mouth.

         “I love you,” Kaworu says without thinking. Shinji pauses as though he’s been caught in a trap, fine brows slowly dragging together as he tries to decipher the meaning. In this life, Shinji knows what love is. Yui meets him every holiday with sweets and necessary presents while his little sister Rei calls him every weekend to talk about school, and Rei even sweetly complains about Asuka, Shinji’s best friend a year younger, who has so stubbornly refused to admit she misses him that apparently she chose to wear a one on her jersey while yelling about how it was the only option left. Rei’s even admitted that Mari is getting antsy while waiting for spring break to come so that he can visit, as if that would ever get Asuka to shut up. Kaworu’s heart sits heavily in the base of his throat, and he wishes wonders faintly if maybe he should have waited.

         “Kaworu?” Shinji asks. He’s got a level look on his face, and his fear is momentarily forgotten. It seems his awe of the festivities outside and below has become ignored. “I wish I had my camera—“ His tone is soft, tender even. “—because you have the nicest smile.”

         “Do I?” Kaworu mimps coyly. Shinji’s expression melts into a flustered display of pinched embarrassment, like the fact he admitted his staring is somehow Kaworu’s fault.

         “You do,” Shinji says lightly. “I…kind of love it.”

         “Do you?” Kaworu mimps again, pleasantly. The rush of scarlet across Shinji’s scrunched nose is almost too much. Kaworu taps a finger to his boyfriend’s nose in good humor. He has the decency to look thoroughly ashamed when Shinji appears exasperated with his playfulness, but nonetheless amused by the openness.

         “You,” Shinji clarifies, the tips of his ears a fierce ruby. “I love you.” And when their cart jerks and Shinji is burrowed in Kaworu’s arms following a flailing shriek, Kaworu realizes he’s right. This is how it’s meant to be, now and forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Does this fluff rock your boat? Tell me all about it in the comment box, thanks!


End file.
